Hold onto your own hair for sure – but steer clear of a flying ferret

There was a photo taken at a recent family gathering where as many people were facing in the wrong direction as looking at the camera; vainly and in vain, I checked to see why I was missing – only to eventually spot the back of my head, naked where my hair used to be.

From the front, not a lot has changed although my eyebrows haven’t seen a fringe since the turn of the millennium. But apart from the increasing fall of snow on the old thatch, things were much the same as ever.

From the back, however, it turned out to be quite a different – and shocking – story. No wonder the cold hurt more than it used to and that sunburn made it all the way to the scalp.

That said, there are worse things in life than male baldness; one of the worst things is trying to disguise it.

I remember once having a discussion with someone and contesting that I’d never seen a good hairpiece. He insisted I did – it was just that I didn’t know it, because it had been that impressive.

When he told me whose it was – a household name in the world of Formula 1 motor racing – I realised that money can buy you a good slider after all.

However, not all millionaires go to the same hairpiece manufacturer; think Elton John, Burt Reynolds, Sean Connery and William Shatner, for starters.

And then there’s the Donald, whose hair is such a wonderland of weaving and spray that most of it might well have started out life as part of his back.

All these guys have so much money that they could get other people to grow their hair for them and have it superglued to their heads – and yet they couldn’t be more obvious if they were wearing the pelt of a dead ferret.

For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.

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