Trip to the White House Ð not the D‡il Ð is top prize for the election

Date Published: {J}

Given that this is a nation which once or twice ran a televised competition to find a member of the public to represent Ireland at the Eurovision Song Contest, perhaps it’s time that we brought the X-Factor phenomenon to our General Election campaign.

After all, it’s already been turned into a complete farce as the Government staggers like a drunken man into one lamp post after the other – so why not inject a little showbiz and put up a prize that’s a lot more appealing than sorting out our finances?

Because our new regime will have their collective feet snugly under the desk in time to make the most of the annual St Patrick’s Day beano across the planet, the day when rivers and beer turn green and everyone bellows ‘begorrah’ and ‘top of the mornin’ to complete strangers.

So the selling point of this election should not be the chance to run a country that’s stony broke and in hock to Europe and the IMF – instead sell it as a chance to see the world from the comfort of a Government jet with John O’Donoghue’s old limo waiting to collect you when you get to the other side.

The benefits of turning this into a giant race for a holiday are two-fold; firstly it gives the politicians something positive to aim at – and it allows the rest of us to inject a little bit of showbiz into things and perhaps get the political equivalent of Joe and Donna McCaul elected to the Dail.

The difference of course is that the ultimate prize won’t be a trip to the Eurovision semi-finals in the lovely Estonian city of Hicksville – but the chance to shoot the breeze with Barack Obama and present him with the one present you can give to someone who has everything . . .a big crystal bowl of shamrock.

So instead of the old boring ‘who will make up the next Government’ shtick, let’s dress this one up as ‘who should win a trip to Washington’.

There will be runners-up prizes of return tickets to far-flung China, Australia, Canada and perhaps even Timbuktu for those who support the big cheese who wins the contest and there will be consolation prizes of nice breaks around Europe for those who miss out on the big ones.

Then there are the punishment prizes for those who don’t perform to the best of their ability but still make the cut – they can review Paddy’s Day Parades of tractors and dancers in small villages instead.

For more, read this week's Connacht Tribune.