Show some resolve Ð and donÕt stick to hardy annual resolutions

Date Published: {J}

Wouldn’t the world be a much duller place if any of us ever stuck to our New Year’s resolutions?

We’d all be teetotal, ultra-fit, non-swearing, non-smoking, generous, cheery individuals who would inspire others to react by punching us squarely in the face.

Every year we plan to lose weight; every December we wonder how we managed to get even heavier. We vow to spend more quality time at home and then spend more time complaining about how claustrophobic it’s become in the house.

We hit January determined to stick to a budget this year, but as successive Ministers for Finance have shown only too well, that’s never as easy as it might first appear.

Then there’s the twin pursuit of helping others and at the same time enjoying life more – how do you square that particular circle? And why is that that people choose the start of a new year to ‘learn something new’? Do they consciously wait until the old year is out before striving to fill that yawning gap in their knowledge bank?

So, instead of the old traditionals, how about a few new ideas in keeping with these straitened times? Wear a jumper to work – it allows the bosses to turn off the heating so they save money and we save the planet.

Solve your money problems – get yourself a Ministerial pension or, if you’re really ambitious, one like the deal Michael ‘Fingers’ Fingleton dreamed up for himself to mark his exit from Irish Nationwide.

Or else reduce your debts – simply ignore those brown envelopes from the bank manager. Watch less television – go to a pub that doesn’t have Sky Sports. Go back to school – this one is especially for teachers.

Don’t decide to quit drinking and spend more time with family at the same time – one resolution will undoubtedly result in you breaking the other. Reduce stress at work – take sick days even when you don’t need them. But don’t necessarily use them to spend more time with the family (see above).

Protect the English language – its not gr8 to txt msgs that r n a language most of us don’t understand. Write a book, a complete work of fiction that ably demonstrates the limitless boundaries of your vivid imagination – remember, it worked for Bertie Ahern.

Walk more – this is in keeping with the ultimate objective of the Green Party, who are working hard on taxing petrol and diesel into the spectrum of a luxury item.

Most of all, don’t implement any of your New Year Resolutions until the end of the first week in January. This will mean two things – you’re not under the same pressure as everyone else at the start of another year....and you’ll be the last one in your group still clinging to an unbroken resolution.

Lose the strain – take the train

It’s been some time since I left the car at home to take the train to Dublin, but after having my eyes opened by the positive changes, it certainly won’t be anywhere near as long before I do it again.

Like many more out there, I come from a time when travelling by train meant either Saharan heat – leading to third degree burns of the ankles if you touched the grills through which the furnace was being pumped – or frostbite that couldn’t be offset with thermal underwear.

The tannoy allowed us all the experience the trauma of what it was like to be hard of hearing as you struggled to make out a single word that was said.

Back then the only thing guaranteed was that you’d never get a seat – now it is a veritable luxury to let the train take the strain as you sit back and enjoy the ride. The carriages are warm but not stifling; the announcements are informative but not intrusive, delivered in both Irish and English with the sort of melodious voice that would be tailor-made for late night radio.

The messages may well be automated but somewhere within the bowels of Iarnróid Eireann there lies the next Terry Wogan. You can enjoy reserved seating – at least on a Sunday afternoon; I’m not sure if it works at rush-hour.

There are comfortable clean seats, and in every carriage, an information panel telling you distance to next station. We’re not train commuters by nature in the west, but colleagues of mine used the train to get to and from work during the recent flooding – and they too were hugely surprised at the changes that have made travelling by rail a whole lot more comfortable.

Once the Galway to Limerick link opens, that facility will be available to an awful lot more – and you can claim part of the fare back against your income tax.

As to value for money, it certainly is if you’re travelling alone and you book on Internet. It’s not €10 one way all the time, however, as you might think from their ads but it’s more competitive now that the Greens have got their way on a carbon tax on motor fuel.

A family rate might be a good idea even if you have to travel off peak, because it’s still cheaper for a family of four, for example, to travel to Dublin by car. But equally – and even allowing for the new motorway – it’s still fast at two hours and 40 minutes.

But best of all, there is no stress, no tolls and a chance to use the phone or drink coffee without incurring two penalty points in the process. And – all the moreso given that Swine Flu still hasn’t gone away – that’s not something to be sneezed at.