Ronnie unravels as baby story turns into farce

If only real life could be like Eastenders – not a day would go by without a birth, marriage or death ... or, at the very least, one unravelling woman stealing another couple’s baby and replacing him with her own dead child.

Then you allow the other couple to bury your baby, watch them going to the brink of break-up (again) and – after the obligatory breakdown – decide to spice up what’s left of your own life by having if off with your husband’s slimy best mate.

Welcome to the world of Ronnie, the mad woman with the man’s name. In fairness, even actress Samatha Womack, who plays Ronnie, found all of this so unbelievable that she has decided to quit the soap before they relocate herself, Jack and baby James (or Tommy Moon as he really is) to the dark side of the moon.

Maybe this does happen in real life, but it’s sort of stretching it that you’d continue to live a few doors down from your victims. And then last week you’d end up holding their baby as you sat beside the grieving mother at yet another Walford wedding.

Of course Tanya’s wedding to Greg had to take a turn for the worse as well – although in fairness if ex-hubby Max had been able to take a turn, he’d never have crashed into the parked container truck with such horrific consequences.

Of course nobody watches soap for the reality factor and at least soaps on this side of the Atlantic have some grounding in real life – in other words, there are fewer aliens than you’d find in the US.

But frankly the pace of life needed to sustain three or four episodes a week would leave the normal person with a heart condition from the sheer pace and stress.

The obvious ramification of all this drama is that nobody in Albert Square can hold down a job.

Sure, Max makes a stab at selling cars and Kat and Alfie are behind the counter in the Vic while Dot does everyone’s washing because either nobody has the time or a washing machine of their own.

Phil occasionally spends a few hours at the back street garage but that’s either to fit stolen cars with false number plates or to attack someone with a money wrench.

For more, read this week's Connacht Sentinel.