Language to state the obvious in an utterly bewildering way

There were references in various media recently to the concept of wet-led pub – or what we used to just call a pub. Because wet-led just means they concentrate on selling liquid refreshment as opposed to food.

The context was the proposal to extend the smoking ban into all areas – inside or out – where food is served, which prompted the response from some publicans that they would be ‘wet-led’ in future.

In old English, that simply means they’ll prioritise drink over food – or in some cases get rid of food altogether. Which is hardly a major sacrifice when it comes to outdoor eating in Ireland, where the rain is usually a bigger impediment than a chain-smoker could ever be.

But it was the notion of a wet-led pub that brought to mind the classic Civil Service-speak that you’d remember from Yes Minister – an inflated way of describing something we already know to a point that we could no longer recognise it in its new guise.

It’s like a food-led restaurant or an accommodation-led hotel or a driving-led car or a floating-led boat – some things just are what they are and they don’t require added description.

Of course, if it was a dry-led pub, you’d need to mention that fact in advance because otherwise it would be an even bigger disappointment when you arrived with your tongue hanging out.

And yet there are people out there for whom the David Brent approach to conversation is an everyday thing; people who find new clichés where others wouldn’t even think of.

If you’ve ever been to a management seminar, you’ll know all about it – because those guys make Ricky Gervais’ office manager look like he speaks the language of the common person.

Never mind the usual jargon about joined-up thinking, running things up the flagpole or moving the goalposts; you must also hit the ground running to bag that low-hanging fruit.

Going forward doesn’t mean you have to re-invent the wheel although you should look under the bonnet before you pick anything up and run with it.

For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.

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