Fool-proof guide to help ensure a happy family

There are times in any household when you’d give your right arm for the key to a happy family – but one man’s suggestions would probably really only encourage you to leave things the way they are.

Bruce Feiler is the author of the New York Times bestseller, The Secrets of Happy Families, and he has established half a dozen characteristics that the happiest of homes have in common.

For what it’s worth, I think ours has none of them – and to the best of my knowledge, I also don’t know of any home that does.

But for what it’s worth, this is his template for a happy family – and it begins with creating a family mission statement.

By this he means coming up with a list of what’s important, in terms of values and what it means to be part of a family. As this involves actually communicating with each other, we’re in deep trouble already.

Second suggestion is to share your family history – which is fine if it’s actually worth sharing. Some of us have spent half a lifetime trying to forget it, so the notion of opening that can of worms to share with your kids is terrifying beyond belief.

But apparently researchers at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia, carried out a study that showed that the children who know more about their family history had a greater belief that they could control their world and a higher degree of self-confidence.

Which is fine if you come from a long list of high achievers – otherwise best move on to number three ... a weekly family meeting.

He describes this as a sort of family board meeting – 20 minutes, once a week where Bruce and his brood basically ask three questions.

What worked well this week, what didn't work well this week, and what will we agree to work on in the week ahead?

“And if the kids meet the goal, they get to help pick a reward. And if they don't, they get to help pick a punishment,” he says – although presumably that punishment/reward cannot involve actually drowning Bruce.

In any event that should lead smoothly onto his next cornerstone – how to fight right.

This isn’t a boxing match like you were making a reality television series for Channel 4, but rather a way of resolving arguments by effectively boring all concerned into submission.

“We ask our kids to come up with three alternatives. In negotiation speak, this is ‘Expand the pie before you divide the pie’. And nobody is leaving the table until there are three options,” he explains.

Fifth on the list is one that could work – and that’s to have family dinner together … at any time of the day.

Because apparently there is a wave of research in the US that shows that children who eat dinner with their families are less likely to drink, smoke, do drugs, get pregnant, commit suicide or develop eating disorders.

For more, read this week’s Connacht Tribune.