The Academy Award for best exposed bum goes .... to me!

Rather than dwelling on an imbecilic cock-up concerning envelopes and selfie-obsessed idiots at last week’s Academy Awards, I prefer to remember the fantastic films nominated in 1995. Both ‘Pulp Fiction’ and ‘Sense and Sensibility’ swept me away with their superb screenplays and performances.

Emma Thompson quite rightly won the Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay. It took her seven years to write and then she played her part with understated brilliance, and then she tweaked my bum with gusto.

What was that?

Don't tell me Emma Thompson ever had physical contact with your nether regions.

Oh go on then. Tell me. Tell me another base and sordid tale from your quirky past. Tell me a bizarre story involving toilets, a genuine Academy Award Winner and this scribbler’s bare naked behind.

Back in those1990s, my dear friend and actor Chris was on a world tour with Kenneth Branagh’s Renaissance Theatre Company, performing in King Lear and A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

At the time, I was living in West Yorkshire, so I crossed the Pennines to spend some time with Chris when the tour reached Manchester. He arranged my tickets, so that I could see ‘Lear’ in the evening, and ‘Dream’ the following afternoon.

To be honest, I was a little nervous of this double-whammy of old Bill Spear and his barmy 17th century lingo. There is a painful scar on my brain that resembles the words ‘A level English Literature’, yet I was absolutely blown away by both shows.

Richard ‘Dickie’ Briers (smiley Tom of ‘The Good Life’ himself) was just a tad too cuddly as crazy King Lear, but Emma Thompson’s performance as the fool was dazzling. She hammed it up just right, dragging herself around the stage on her knees, with such resigned expertise that you ended up believing her/him an amputee.

The following lunchtime, Chris brings me backstage to meet the cast and crew before the matinée, and before you can say ‘dealer takes two’, I’m being invited to play a little dressing room poker with Dickie and the lads.

To read Charlie’s column in full, please see this week’s Galway City Tribune.