No need for panic just because the alarm bell goes off

Date Published: {J}

There was a wonderful story recently about a room of 60 Elvis impersonators who had to flee from a charity fundraiser they were attending when a fire alarm went off.

If they were in Ireland, they’d have stayed where they were and complained about that bloody ringing noise in their ears.

It was a faulty smoke alarm at the hotel in Kent that did indeed prompt all sixty Elvises to leave the building – resulting in passers-by enjoying the stunning sight of the wigged and rhinestone-clad Kings of Rock ‘n’ Roll gathered in the car park.

But at least these Elvises lived to tell their story – if an alarm went off in a pub here, our brave boys would be too worried that their pint would be gone if they went outside to save their lives.

I know of one office recently that had a faulty fire alarm and the staff’s solution to the recurring racket was to drape several coats over the bell to at least dull the tone so that they could get on with their work.

I recall a night in a hotel in Manchester when eejits set off the alarm in the middle of the night. But because the hotel’s staff were taking no chances, we all had to vacate our rooms.

I got up – after about two hours’ sleep – got dressed, packed my bag, put in my contact lenses and then headed calmly for the hotel car park....to be greeted by more than a hundred people wearing everything from dressing gowns to pyjamas – and some with considerably less than that.

They felt foolish, I felt smug, but I’d have been toast if there actually was a fire in the first place.

When you think about it, we have a strange relationship with alarms of any sort.

Take a house alarm on your road when it goes off in the middle of the night. If you were of the ‘neighbourhood watch’ persuasion, you’d jump out of bed and grab a weapon of some sort to come to your fellow resident’s aim.

Instead what you’ll actually do is put the pillow over your head and try to get back to sleep, vowing that you’ll give your neighbour a piece of your mind the next time you see him for keeping you awake with his bloody break-in.

I recall a story about the former editor of a certain evening newspaper in Cork who, many years ago, warned his staff in no uncertain way that he was now going into his office to do important work and under no circumstances was he to be disturbed.

So they took him at his word and when there was a fire drill about an hour later – obviously one that didn’t involve an actual alarm going off – they quietly left the building and, in true Irish style, headed for a selection of nearby pubs.

The editor emerged from his pit some time later wondering why no one was answering the phones – to find the entire building completely deserted, save for his good self.

When eventually he found them on their third or fourth pint, he angrily enquired as to why no one told him – only to find out one of life’s great lessons....you can’t have it both ways.

For more, read this week's Connacht Tribune.